He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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