I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
