bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
foreskin is a definite game changer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize