well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize