so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
