thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
