It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
