I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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