what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
