Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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