My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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