the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
