dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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