Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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