.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drake has all the answers
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
