i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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