I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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