do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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