I think I died a long time ago.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize