dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
