I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
