So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
