and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Found your dick twin last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
