When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
