You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like eating out sand paper
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
