Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
