this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
