I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
