connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
