Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
