Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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