Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
