My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
