The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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