we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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