the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
