okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
