Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
