You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
