hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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