I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
