grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
