I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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