Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
