Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When did angry sex become our thing?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize