Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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