No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
