20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
