im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
