Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
