Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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