I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
