I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
