dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
