You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
