OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think i have herpe
just one?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
