Swine flu. Run for my life!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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