I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
