:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
