i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
