I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize