I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
