You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
